I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
