I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize