After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
