so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
