Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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