Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Found your dick twin last night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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