paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There r osticjed everywhere
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize