Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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