when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
