i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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