"it" just moved
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Boobs speak an international language.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
