your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
