i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
