I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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