problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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