the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
