it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
