is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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