your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
