If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
