Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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