Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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