he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
