I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
