She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
