Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
