so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
