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then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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