if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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