she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
