He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I touched a dick in church today
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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