Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
