your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
