his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
