I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize