So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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