We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
