when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
