kristin has been a bad kristin
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
