I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
