my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
