What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
