see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
