I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
