if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I love you.
Bad choice
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
