I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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