he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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