Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
