it wasn't lemon gatorade
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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