This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize