is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sarcasm needs its own font
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
