It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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