Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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