Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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