my mouth tastes like poor choices
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
