she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
