All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
