Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
