the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
