i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
