Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
