Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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