Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
