Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
