I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
