So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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