I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize