did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
