I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
