I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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