Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
