i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize