what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
