my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
