so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
