you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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