this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He has the fingertips of a God
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
