I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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