So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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