maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
