Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
