Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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