I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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