Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Success! We fucked roommates!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
