My Higher Power is John Stamos
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
