We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
