you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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