The maid of honor just puked.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
