wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize