would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
