so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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