you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
