How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
