what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
