Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
