I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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