I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize