now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
