if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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