this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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