And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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