it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize