Where did you get a picture of my penis
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
