Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
