I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
