Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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