i don't like sucking hair
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
