Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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