I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
