things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
