Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
