I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
