there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
