I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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